First item:
OK, I'm tired of posting about slaughtered high-school students (and country-music fans and church-goers). So...and this is probably (definitely?) OT - on the other hand, knowing the likes of the mommy blog aficionados that congregate here, maybe not so much. In any event, the click-bait headline of the day, and I'm not making this up: "New Vibrator Can Reportedly Order Pizza For You After You Orgasm."
Apparently, this device called "Rubgrub" - which sounds like the unintended offspring of a StubHub and GrubHub liaison, has an internet-connected button on one end that does the ordering for you. The article compares the button to the one on the Amazon Dash Wand - which I'm not familiar with but sounds like something you could use as a vibrator in a pinch (and I'm pretty sure there's a few of you out there that have tried it - amirite?)
The article goes on to say that unfortunately, Domino's is the only pizza place that is currently vibrator-ordering enabled. Yes, unfortunate indeed. Although, if you're using your vibrator to order pizza, you probably aren't that particular about the pizza. But the best part of the article in that regard, is when the vice-president of the Rubgrub company said (and I'm still not making this up): "I predict other national chains will jump on this product once they sense the buzz."
So, order away, you frugal kossacks, it's only $19.95 (really).
Second item:
Good bye cruel world.